Plato please tell me it wasn't you that started this rubbish:

I had a whole raft of paperwork, and I means volumes, delivered from HR this morning who are seriously investigating a suggestion that the University are not compliant to the diversity / equal opportunities legislation. It took me about an hour to understand what the hell all this paperwork was for. It appears that 'someone' has suggested that many of our doorways, ceilings, desks, chairs and other furniture are, and I quote, 'heightist' and therefore racist. Pygmies and Maassi are used as examples of sections of humanity disadvantaged by the dimentions of our buildings etc.
I and all the other heads of department have been asked to measure the height of all the rooms, doors and all other equipment to see if we are indeed not as inclusive as we claim.

I have a horrible feeling I have just worked out why you have been walking around on stilts.

Plato, why have you started walking around the university on stilts?

Dear Plato. Your latest research proposal about suitable sites for radioactive waste from nuclear power stations has (unsurprisingly) bounced back from the Nuclear Decommissioning Authority. They considered chopping up the waste into 'teeny weeny bits' and 'dropping' a 'little bit' into each households dustbin, 'interesting' but unscientific and lacking in merit. There is a handwritten note attached to the back by someone in the NDA, however, which states 'I wish I'd thought of this!'

I trust you do realise that funding is based on successful bids not the number of bids. Just a thought!

Prof. xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx
Head of Research Development

Hi Plato,
I thought that you might like to know. I just walked past the statue of Queen Victoria that sits over the main gate of Queens - she is dressed in one of your super hero uniforms.

Neil

Hi Neil,
I think that your presumption of ownership may need further investigation.

Plato

Ok now I have seen everything. End of the year and you get the VC dressed in her action hero uniform, complete with mask to 'fall out' your ranks of super hero students and wish them well. Great parade, very amusing. I didn't think I would say this but I and a lot of other people will miss their antics.
I hear that your course for next year is already over subscribed and we haven't even opened selection. Well done.