A note has been found sellotaped to a bit of fur in the HR office photocopier. The note says "Pay the ransom or the bear gets it. Further instructions to follow."
If anyone knows the whereabouts of Clifton (the missing teddy) or who might be responsible please notify the security office who have been notified and have launched an investigation. Jake Xxxxxx of the University Security Services who happens to be a retired detective has been put in charge of the investigation.
This is not the behaviour we expect of staff or students. The return of the property forthwith would be appreciated.
Director of HR